


Forgive and Forget

by Verti



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst., Angst?, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Memory Loss, slight PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 05:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4379414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verti/pseuds/Verti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ja'far isn't usually one to complain-- he's got a nice cozy apartment, a good job, and a great therapist to help him deal with the stress from work.</p><p>He just doesn't get why his next door neighbor is so bent on insisting that they're lovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forgive and Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry. I needed an outlet for all the feels I've been getting from Sinja. This turned out more dark than I had intended and for that I can only blame my binge-reading of angst fics. Enjoy!

There was a sudden knock on Ja'far's door, a sound that- given the thin walls and small space of his apartment- reached his ears despite him being one room over. He sighed as he set down the book he had been curled around for the past hour (Dissociative Disorders that Plague The Human Mind) and blinked at the digital clock that sat next to his coffee mug on the table.

Six a.m.

Who the hell came knocking at six a.m.?

There came another sharp rap of knuckle on wood, this one slightly louder and somewhat more insistent than the previous. A pause, then a series of impatient knocks, as if the knocker had begun tapping out a rhythm on his door during their wait.

"Coming!" Ja'far lurched to his bare feet and stumbled around one of the many piles of books that were sporadically spread around his room. Screw his slippers, they were probably behind his nightstand or something. "Sorry, just give me a second-!" 

He paused in the middle of the hallway at the sight of a tall man with violet hair that was softer than silk, and eyes of golden honey that always seemed ardent for glory and adventure.

Ja'far watched the man- his _neighbour_ , a small voice reminded him- fish out a key from his pocket and insert it into the door's lock, turning it until a satisfying _click_ was heard. 

For some reason, he could never quite remember the other's name, despite it being three weeks since the man moved in. Whilst they had introduced themselves to each other, Ja'far had never expected to come in much contact with the elder man; hence the man's name was shoved into the recesses of his mind without much thought. He already had so much to worry about, why add in more stress of having to maintain contact with someone who would move out sooner or later?

The man (his name started with an S--Shind? Sin? No, Sen sounded right. He was sure it was Sen) turned and spotted Ja'far. His delicately sculpted features broke out into a weak smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Hi, Ja'far."

There was something about how sombre, how dead and tired and _hollow_ he sounded that made Ja'far's brows furrow and his mouth twist into a frown. He didn't expect such a tone from Sen, what with the hyperactivity the man had displayed since the first day he had moved in. 

Sen was optimism reincarnate, and along with this came childish, immature behavior, imagination, and the incorrigible habit of smiling in the face of danger. 

Ja'far had learned on the first day they had met that Sen liked playing pretend, perhaps an unfortunate side effect of him being a part-time author. He had been advised by his therapist to go along with Sen's vices, as a way to relieve stress, and Ja'far had to admit that it was always amusing to see the man brighten up immediately whenever he played along and answered the way Sen expected him to. 

But he had only been able to keep up the act for a week or so, and whatever pity Ja'far had felt for the man and his far-fetched delusions had quickly given way to irritation and annoyance. He could only resist the... _puerility_ for so long, and there were more than enough times when Sen's stories went too overboard. Not to mention, the man was so, _so_ noisy as he rambled on and on about his (and apparently Ja'far's) colleagues.

Perhaps his current state had something to do with Ja'far's constant denial and reluctance?

After all, Sen's demeanor had dampened considerably after Ja'far admitted to just humoring him, and while he had laughed and shrugged it off, it wasn't hard to tell that Sen was disheartened and hurt, and seemed to distance himself from the white-haired man.

Vaguely, Ja'far felt guilt.

 

(He told himself that he didn't care).

"Good morning, Sen. How did you get into my apartment?"

"You gave me a key," Sen said and patted his pocket for emphasis. The small smile was still plastered on his face.

Ja'far cocked an eyebrow. "I don't recall having any spares."

"... It happened a while ago," Sen shrugged, and he suddenly looked a lot more like an old man than his usual model-like and vibrant self: tired and defeated, eyes having long since lost their light. "How are you, Ja'far?" His tone left his answer closed to any further questioning.

"I'm fine, thank you." Ja'far replied, and took a few tentative steps towards him. "What about you?" Even if Sen was sometimes too loud and abrasive and utterly delusional for his liking, he couldn't help but worry for the man who looked like all of his free spirit had been sucked out of his body.

"I'm doing okay."

"No, you're not."

"........"

"You're not like this at all, Sen. Something's bothering you." Ja'far opted for the sofa in his living room and plopped himself down on it. "Come, sit. I can brew you some coffee if you like."

He patted the space beside him, and Sen walked over, swaying slightly before he sat down. 

It was a bit unnerving how the smile (was it even a smile anymore? By now it was just a slight upwards tilt of the corners of Sen's mouth) never wavered once. 

Ja'far forced a smile of his own, hoping that it would be more realistic than the other's. Though Sen wasn't his ideal person to be around, the most he could do was to listen to his problems and make the man feel welcome. Also, the lack of idle blather was a nice change for once. It was a whole lot more peaceful this way.

"Sen, I'm here to help. Whatever problems you have, we can talk it out. Do you need me to call your therapist?"

"I don't have a therapist, Ja'far," Sen said, his voice low.

"Oh," Ja'far blinked. "Sorry, it was wrong of me to assume that." Sen gave no response, and he tried again. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

Sen whirled to face him, his golden eyes wet, desperate, pleading. "Do you really not remember me? I _loved_ you Ja'far-- a-and I still do." 

Ah.

This again.

Ja'far cleared his voice, forced himself to speak as gently as possible, with the patronizing tone he usually reserved for babysitting. 

"I'm really touched that you think of me like that..."

One of Sen's favorite games was to pretend that they were childhood friends who had grown up together and eventually fell in love. There were tales of Ja'far working under him at the company Sen had founded with his bare hands, along with descriptions of their fellow seven colleagues that were odd in their own ways, but most of time Ja'far had listened to how Sen had apparently saved him from his gang at the age of 16, and how he had pledged to follow Sen wherever he went. 

"...but I'm not comfortable playing around with fake relationships. I thought I told you that."

"What do you mean, _fake_?" There was a furious demand in his voice, and Ja'far flinched in case the man lashed out in the heat of the moment.

"...... I'm not gay, Sen."

Sen's face fell, and Ja'far tried not to cringe at how the man seemed to deflate almost immediately, even with the twinge of annoyance he felt at the man's stubbornness.

"Th-That's not true, Ja'far, I know it. I know _you_."

The frustration and irritation pooling at the pit of his stomach only grew larger, and Ja'far fought the urge to snap at the man. "Do you think I don't know my own preferences?"

"I think you don't remember them."

Ja'far laughed, a grating, bitter sound that cut through the silence of the early morning. "What makes you say that?"

Sen's face was solemn. "Because I remember you confessing to me."

The mirth was gone in a plit second, laughter faded away, and Ja'far drew in a deep breath. He let it out with a sigh. "Sen, you know that never happened. We've only known each other for three weeks."

" _No_ ," Sen insisted. "We've known each other for our entire lives, I found you and brought you in--!"

"Shut up!" He felt the anger begin bubble and seethe inside of him, its boiling sudden but savage all the same. "You don't know the first thing about me, and don't you _dare_ talk about my past like you know what I went through! I'm fed up, Sen, you can't just force your opinions and beliefs onto someone else--"

" _Stop!_ " Sen's voice cracked and Ja'far blinked, felt something (his heart? No, impossible.) twist and throb inside him at all the raw emotion contained in the uttered syllable. "Ja'far, you don't get it, can't you see how much it hurts me to see you like this?"

Hands were suddenly gripping his shoulders, and Ja'far stiffened at the sudden contact, pulse thundering in his temple. This was getting out of hand, he needed Sen out of his apartment as soon as possible. 

"I really don't know what you're talking about," Ja'far said, and reached up to pry Sen's hands off. Never mind how Sen visibly flinched at the lack of emotion in his voice, and never mind how the pit in his stomach, now empty of fire, only burrowed deeper into his gut in response. "But if this is _still_ about the game you have going on, I thought it was clear that I'm not comfortable with playing pretend."

"It's not pretend!" Sen's grip tightened, his golden eyes wide and desperate yet furious, pained, concerned, horrified, disbelieving-- and something tore through Ja'far's chest at the sight of them because no, it was all wrong, they weren't supposed to look like that, so loss and helpless, he didn't want to- _never wanted to?_ \- see those emotions in those golden eyes, he wasn't supposed to ever be like this, and he wasn't supposed to let him become like this, and he had to stop it, stop this, he had to say something, call his name- 

 

_his name (was his name Sen? Was it really?)_

 

-to comfort him, to bring light back into those eyes, a nickname that was right on his tongue's tip but he couldn't quite grasp it, something he yelled at the top of his lungs across an office on a regular basis, something he whispered after midnight trysts underneath bed covers, what was it whatwasit _whatwasitwhatwasit_ \--

 

Ah, well. If he couldn't remember it then it probably wasn't that important.

 

"Ja'far, I- You were always there when I needed you the most, you said you would follow me forever and I trusted you, and we bought this house together and I-I was going to... I even bought the r-- Oh god, this is all my fault, I should've noticed earlier and I should've followed you instead of going out, I should've _known_... But please, I'll do anything, just stop it, stop all of this--"

"Stop what?" Ja'far shook Sen off and _damn it, why couldn't he keep his hands to himself? ( _He can never keep his hands to himself, always groping with no regard for him, his feelings, no regard for whomever he touched, always so arrogant and drunk didn't know how hard he worked to maintain their company didn't appreciate it yelled at himthis was why he left in the first place he hated it hatedithateditwhenhe_ ) _

_when he_

 

_he_

 

when he did what?

 

The sudden onslaught of scrambled thoughts and mixed array of emotions was gone in an awkward pause, no longer than a second, and left behind nothing more than a headache and a sense of unrelenting exasperation and annoyance. Not to mention Sen looked like some traumatized victim or something. Damn it.

"Sen, you've been doing this ever since you moved in three weeks ago. Haven't you give up yet?"

"Three weeks ago..." Sen faltered, staring at Ja'far in confusion. "That was when we--" His eyes widened and he sagged against the back of the couch, breathing quick and ragged, hands dragging frantically through the long strands of purple hair bound in a ponytail. "Fuck, it was the accident..."

Ja'far blinked. "What are you talking about? What accident?"

Sen gave dark chuckle. For some reason, it pierced Ja'far to the bone.

Really, really annoying. Was he going to start rambling again?

"I'm the worst... Telling you to leave, god knows I didn't mean it but you left and I-I was such a fucking fool for not following you, not chasing after you immediately, and then they called me with your phone and I almost didn't pick up because I thought I didn't care if you were gone- _what the fuck is wrong with me_?"

"Sen," Ja'far said as he reached into his pocket and pressed speed dial on his phone. Even if Sen refused admitting to having a therapist, he could always settle for calling his own as backup. Besides, the man looked like he was going to start bawling any minute. "It's alright, you don't have to blame yourself."

"Then what?" Sen gestured wildly at him with a dry laugh that sounded more choked than anything, and Ja'far tried not to think about how he was probably in the same room as a madman. "I can't even apologize or make up for our last argument!"

"Whatever it is, I'm not mad anymore," At this rate, Sen was going to make a mess of his furniture, and Ja'far tugged at his shirt gingerly. He really shouldn't have lent an ear to the other's problems, especially when they were concerning his stupid pretend game. "I'm really not, I swear. So why don't we get you calmed down and back into your apartment before... other people see, alright?"

Sen grabbed his wrist, jerked it hard, and Ja'far fell with a startled cry onto his lap. The man looked on top of him, eyes still sad and dull as he clasped Ja'far's face with his right hand. 

"...Sen. Let me up. Now."

"I doubt you'll want to see me again after this. I'm leaving tomorrow to set up a new larger branch of ou- my company in Europe. It was your suggestion, after all..."

"I'll have to call the cops if you keep this going. I can file for sexual harrassment."

"--don't think I can ever come back, not with the current chaos and upheaval in the economy at least. God, I want you to come with me but--"

"I'm not going anywhere with you, now _get off_ \--"

"I love you, Ja'far," Sin murmured and bent down, the ends of his hair tickling Ja'far's face as supple lips pressed against chapped.

 _What do we have here? A lost_ xiao baishe* _with nowhere else to go? How pitiful. What has that man done to you now?_

Ja'far froze, his throat closing up.

_Fine! If you're so fed up with me then leave! There's nothing stopping you!_

And then something screeching and someone screaming and red liquid that was still warm everywhere on the ground on his head- yes, so much on his head pouring out from the hole (wound??) in his head and darkness --

_Say you'll follow me forever, won't you Ja'far?_

\--someone turning him over still so loud so _noisy_ couldn't they shut up tried to tell them but he couldn't breathe _can't breathe, he's kissing him that's why and wait he_ does _know him he knows that he isn't delusional and that he loves him and he loves him back so so so much wants to call his name what was it what was it what is it--_

_I'll follow you forever..._

 

_(Sen?)_

__(No.)_ _

(Shind?)

_(No.)_

 

..... Sin?

 

_(...... Yes.)_

 

_I'll follow you forever, Sin._

 

 

Ja'far gasped and sucked in air, a sheen of cold sweat covering his face. 

"Ja'far? Ja'far, are you okay? You blacked out there and I'm sorry if it was because of me, I didn't- never- meant to hurt you, god, I thought I was going to lose you again!"

Ja'far blinked his hazy world back into view, glared up at the concerned man above him. Why was he still here? Couldn't he see that he was clearly unwanted? Annoying.

"Sen. I'm reporting you to the police if you don't me up _NOW._." He ground out, and felt a tang of satisfaction at the hurt that flashed across Sen's face.

He bit his lip and (hell if he wasn't going to relent Ja'far was going to fucking headbutt him) sat up, allowing Ja'far to slip out from underneath him. 

Ja'far wiped at his mouth, saw Sen sag at the action, defeated, before pointing wordlessly at the door. He relished the regret and guilt in Sin's golden eyes as the man stood and looked like he wanted to say something- opened his mouth- nothing came out.

Another long pause. 

Sin's gaze flitted to his feet, and he turned away. "Your slippers are underneath the coffee table."

The door was opened, then closed; locked with click and Ja'far was alone.

 

He sat there in silence, unsure of what exactly he was to do after the sudden outburst of emotions he had experienced during Sin's visit. Did he always have that much hostility towards the man? 

His mind wandered to the kiss they shared. It wasn't like it was his first kiss, but stolen nevertheless, yet oddly enough some part of Ja'far was comfortable with the thought of Sin kissing him. The man's touch had felt a bit familiar, as did the gentle press of his lips, too experienced for someone who had merely been fantasizing a relationship.

But Sin had looked crestfallen, and slightly surprised when Ja'far had directed him to the door. It was unlike Ja'far to act so aggressively, even towards one as mentally impaired as the former. Perhaps he should apologize, but the thought of having to go through all of that again made him cringe.

His phone rang and Ja'far fumbled with it for a moment before answering. "Hello?"

"I got your call, _baishe._ What happened?"

The voice was low and mellifluous, smoother than silk, sweeter than honey, and Ja'far smiled, letting it wash all over him and cleanse his mind of any troubling thoughts. Such a nice change from the horrible discordant noise he had been listening to moments ago.

"He came over again. Sin."

There was a short pause before the voice spoke again. "Sin? Is that his name?"

Ja'far frowned. "Maybe. I think I remember being told me to call him that."

"I see. And what did 'Sin' do this time?"

"He said I forgot about him, and that I got into an accident. He blames himself for it."

"Do you believe him?"

His brows furrowed. "I don't know... I-I don't think I did at first, but I'm not sure now. It didn't seem fake, his story, and he kissed me."

"Did anything happen after that?"

"I told him to leave. I may have hurt his feelings a bit."

"... That entire ordeal must have been quite upsetting and stressful for you. Is there anything I do to help?"

Ja'far tucked his knee underneath his chin, curling up into a small ball amongst the cushions of the sofa. "I don't think I'm overreacting. It was just sudden."

"I see. How about I recite you a poem to calm your nerves?"

"That'd be nice. I got up too early as well." Ja'far closed his eyes and rested his head against a pillow as the voice began to speak of the sweetness of wine before a battle and blossoms that ceased to wither on a cold winter's day. 

It was such a pleasant voice, something he could listen to without pause. His mind drifted, away from the man with purple hair and golden eyes (what was his name again?) and into the embrace of one clothed in vibrant hues of red.

_Poor, lost xiao baishe. Why did your owner throw you away, even after all you did, all you sacrificed? Unforgivable. But you performed so well today in front of him. Let him go, my baishe, and know that you are no longer his._

Ja'far smiled, and thought of the man with silk-like purple hair and golden eyes no more.

**Author's Note:**

> Xiao Baishe = Chinese pinyin for 'little white snake'.
> 
> I leave it to you guys to figure out who the 'mastermind' behind all of this is ;D I actually quite liked how this turned out-- maybe I'll write a sequel once given enough time. Please feel free to leave any kudos or comments!


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